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Apr. 3rd, 2007 @ 11:23 pm Ikkaku Archive Post #11, January-March
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Pounding in my head.
But I realize it's just
Tapping on the glass.
I wake up to see a kid.
I jump up and yell at him:

Get me out of here!
Some crazy girl locked me in!
I won't hurt you kid.
He's visibly reluctant,
And questions my sanity too.

This is annoying.
I need him to get me out.
I swear I'm not armed,
And I'm not crazy either.
Damn, why's this kid so cocky?

He opens the door.
I'm so glad I'm out of there!
And so I thank him,
And then introduce myself,
Madarame Ikkaku.

His name is Renji.
He's confused when I say that
I'm a samurai.
There aren't any where he's from.
He mentions shinigami.

Oh great, that again.
But I skip questioning him,
There's really no need,
He's just a kid afterall.
He's probably confused too.

So I let it drop.
We need to get out of here.
Does he know a way?
No, but he runs off to look.
I'll never see him again.

I'll wait for a bit.
I could use another drink.
The bottle is sealed.
I retrieve the opener,
And a few more bottles too.

Oh look, a button.
I press it, the door opens.
Dammit, what the hell?
Why couldn't I have found the
Damn button earlier, huh?

Oh, Renji came back.
He found a way out of here.
He's a clever kid.
Passage ends in a big room
With strange metal carriages.

Renji doesn't care,
And he leaves to find someone.
I inspect them, but
Can't figure out how they work.
But some yelling distracts me.

So I go outside,
Loud people at a playground.
And there's a treehouse.
Two people in it know me,
But neither look familiar.

A pretty woman,
Who trips out of the treehouse
Lands on top of me;
Wrong, a very pretty man.
Four-eyes is an idiot.

"The gays are coming!"?
He needs to shut the fuck up,
And I tell him so.
The pretty man's not happy
That I can't remember him.

He's not very nice.
He took away my bottle.
Could be that I'm drunk,
But to forget someone that
Pretty just isn't like me.

I'm sorry, sunshine,
But can you prove you know me?
That weird booze I drank
Could have really messed me up,
And I'd like to believe you.
About this Entry
Jan. 9th, 2007 @ 02:05 pm Ikkaku Archive Post #10, October-December
Current Mood: drunkdrunk
About this Entry
Nov. 5th, 2006 @ 10:50 pm Ikkaku Archive Post #9, October 1st-18th
Current Mood: pissed offpissed off
Renji shouldn't get so bent out of shape about this whole wedding thing, and I reminded him that it's not binding anyway.  (Although he is sort of acting like he wouldn't mind if it was.)  I nodded to Ukitake-taichou since Renji was too self absorbed to even acknowledge a captain.  Renji's self-involvement was pretty amusing to watch, though, and yet not nearly as amusing as watching Ichigo and that Quincy kid.  They left pretty quickly, though; I guess they had something they needed to do, oh maybe like each other.  Renji got cornered by Kuchiki-taichou, and so I was basically left by myself, which considering what happened with Matsumoto in the next few minutes, it was better that I was by myself.  I can only assume that both of our alternate identities took over for awhile because she started to come on to me, and I didn't mind.  I even made some comment about her doing better than Renji, and I have no idea what the hell that was about.  I almost kissed her!  Thank the gods I came to my senses before that happened.  Neither of us has had near enough sake for that to happen because that's something you want to make sure you're drunk enough not to remember in the morning.  Even though I had returned to my senses, I didn't think it was a good idea for me to continue hanging around Matsumoto, so I pretended that I had to check the flower arrangements.  Turns out, there was actually something interesting there!  Kuukaku-san must have hidden some of her missiles and fireworks in the arrangements.  Damn she's good!  There was an announcement, and I realized that I should get to my spot too when I saw Ichigo dragging Renji into place.  I had to find my shoes first.  Damn, I hate wearing shoes!  Bare feet or at least sandals are much more comfortable.  Then I decided that it was probably a good idea to warn Renji and Ichigo about what I'd found in the flowers.  Right after that Aizen rose up out of the floor on some kind of machine...really wtf?  I reached for Houzukimaru and released shi-kai, ready to attack Aizen, but I also knew that I'd have to make my attack count and if I really wanted to do that I'd have to use ban-kai, but I hesitated releasing it.  The only person here that knows I have ban-kai is Renji, and it's really not something that I want to announce, especially in front of so many captains.  Luckily, Yoruichi showed up and revved up her Shunko on Aizen.  That left me without a plan, but then I saw Renji carrying Rukia, and they were almost to the doors, so I shunpoed to the doors and opened them.  When I stepped through, someone shot a shitload of tranquilizer darts at me, and a bunch of them hit me.  They're lucky they did hit me with so many because there's no way one would have stopped me, and I would have made them all very sorry.  Of course, they were hiding too, so I couldn't do anything but yell at them.  Cowards.  DAMMIT, WTF?
About this Entry
Oct. 5th, 2006 @ 09:51 pm Ikkaku Archive Post #8, September
Current Mood: indifferentindifferent

A taichou striptease.
I have the keys to the van.
Maybe I'll drive back.
What's up with Matsumoto?
Smearing icing on Renji!

This is just too good!
I can't hold back the laughter.
The joy is short-lived.
Icing running down my head.
Dammit, what the hell Renji!

OK, he looks pissed.
I have done a lot to him;
I should shut my mouth.
I'm still in a bad mood when
They ask me to drive us back.

But, driving is fun!
And it's really not that hard.
Smooth and fluid ride,
I don't know why they're worried,
It's just a few dents and scrapes.

I waited for them,
But the others are so slow.
I want to go now!
Hmm, it's shouldn't go backwards.
And now we're off to the spa!

Not driving for long
When Renji yells "stop the van!"
Slightly rough stop,
Maybe I should practice that.
Then Matsumoto gets in.

And we're off again.
The van almost tipped over
Around that tight turn.
Oops, we crashed into the spa!
But hey, I got us here, right?

Annoying airbag.
Rukia is mad at me.
But what can I say
I really do deserve it.
I manage to escape her.

I help Shiba-san
With loading the fireworks.
She needed a hand.
It's quite an arsenal too,
Should be one hell of a show.

We finished loading.
Yoruichi announced that
Ichigo is gay.
That's not what he needed now.
Poor guy, that's too much drama.

And back in the van
Renji blames his bad humor
On 11th Division!
I know my humor is great.
Why would he blame it on us?

Tch, what a traitor.
Whatever, we're out of here.
Fairly smooth exit,
Minimal spa destruction,
Easy going from there out!

No more collisions,
I'm getting the hang of this!
Now there's a dirt road.
Well, it has to lead somewhere.
I'll just keep driving for now.

People seem worried.
I assure them we're just fine.
I turn to Renji
"Why don't you just the hell up?
You're a traitor anyway."

I turn back around.
Oh shit, where did the road go?
Must change direction!
No good, we're over the edge.
Who decided I should drive?

I thought we'd all die,
But now we're at the chapel.
I'm dressed in a tux.
Renji's really freaking out,
The marriage won't be binding.

He shouldn't worry,
But he doesn't seem to care.
Nothing I can do.
Ichigo and the Quincy
Really are quite amusing! 

About this Entry
Sep. 4th, 2006 @ 11:06 pm Ikkaku Archive Post #7, August
Current Mood: indifferentindifferent
I think this place is sucking out all of my creative energy, so no poetry this time around.  (I'll do my best not to disappoint my fans next time, though.)

Things have been pretty stupid here, and really the only mildly useful thing I've learned is that Ichigo's dad used to be Ryuzoji-taichou, but apparently Ichigo doesn't know this, so I'm just going to have to keep my mouth shut about that.  Definitely interesting, though.  Then I did my best to try to get drunk, which really isn't that easy wth champagne, I should have switched to something stronger.  For some reason Keigo burst into the room and started going after Ichigo, yelling about being the father of someone's baby.  It was a little hard to follow, but apparently Ichigo and Keigo are both claiming to be the father of some girl's baby.  Whatever.  I went over to them, though, since I needed a little excitement.  Beating up Keigo wouldn't really be satisfying anyway, though, and it turned out that I never got the chance.  Eh, maybe later.  I couldn't (or didn't really want to) keep track of what the taichous were doing, which might have been just as well because after both Ichigo and Keigo left to try and get drunk, I caught the end of Kyouraku-taichou's "show."  Eh, I've seen better.  It was much more amusing to watch Yoruichi-san and Rangiku rolled out in the cake and and then start to fight!  I really never would have expected that, I wonder if it was planned.  Anyway, I think the taichous want to get out of here now, so maybe I'll volunteer to drive.  (I watched Ishida-san while he was driving earlier, so I know what I'm doing.)
About this Entry
Aug. 6th, 2006 @ 06:38 pm Ikkaku Archive Post #6, July
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative

Hime's trout death match
Inspires my "smoked salmon."
Man, I'm so funny!
Hime thinks I'm funny too
Throws me a yummy riceball.

Bachelor party
Invitation in pocket.
Now that's exciting!
Should have a talk with Renji.
Off to find taichou duo.

I have to find out
Is the party a surprise?
Hear singing and find
Taichou duo embracing.
Just going to ignore it.

Kyouraku says
It's a surprise for Renji.
Good, that's exactly
What I wanted to hear, so
I hurry back to the house.

Need a driver for
My brilliant kidnapping plan.
A crowed bathroom
Quincies and strange guy on the
Floor and Yoruichi too.

Her bizarre rambling,
More drama from the Quincies.
I ask Ryuuken
About the van and strange guy.
Strange guy is Ichigo's dad.

I know him somehow
I can't remember from where.
Ryuuken agrees.
He'll drive, I have to carry
Kurosaki-san downstairs.

I use the mansion's
Intercom to tell the guys
To meet at the van.
Then Ryuuken disappears.
Seriously, what the hell?

Damn, Ichigo's dad
Is heavy, but I manage.
Weird blond kid is there.
He was in the park before.
Don't know care why he's here now.

Other guys come too.
We're off to kidnap Renji!
Giving directions
We find him in an alley,
With Rukia.  Oh man,

This is just too good!
His pants are down at his feet!
I sneak up on him
Throw the hood over his head
And tie up his hands with rope.

Death threats from Renji.
I help him into the van
And we drive off, fast.
I keep laughing and laughing
Renji just looks so funny!

A minute later
We arrive at the strip club.
I can't stop laughing.
I help get Renji inside
And take off his bonds and hood.

He looks pretty shocked.
His jaw drops at the strippers,
And that's funny too.
We go to a private room.
Thirsty, I stop laughing.

I get champagne and
Smack the drink girl on the butt.
Uh, what's up with that?
A lap dance from a stripper.
I could have done without that.

No touching the head!
Despite the violation
I give her money
I know I'm really too nice.
Hey, where are the other guys?

Just taichou duo
Renji getting a lap dance
And me.  Now that's odd.
I know we came with more guys
I wonder what they're doing.

About this Entry
Jul. 2nd, 2006 @ 08:22 pm Ikkaku Archive Post #5, June
Current Mood: weirdweird

I know you've all been waiting a long time for this, but please try to contain your excitement as you read my lyrical verses!

Vacuum cleaner sucks,
Dropped in a fancy office,
Guess I'm a lawyer.
Expensive suit and briefcase,
Beats being a hairless dog.

Ishida's office,
Estate papers and a will,
I ramble about.
He is clearly not happy
Pours whiskey in my briefcase.

It's so good to have you back!
I can properly
Teach the Quincy a lesson!
Ah he can attack me too.

But I don't kill him.
We have an odd chat instead
About enemies
And about motivation
For this utter craziness.

Seems boredom is key.
Prolonged chats and boring crap
Are interrupted.
Can be prevented if we
Make amusing distractions.

Like the book castle
Ishida builds and destroys.
Then afterward he
Leaves to find Yoruichi.
Alone, so I leave too.

I wander around
Dark hallways with many doors.
I pick one to try
And find myself in a spa.
Even though it's quite a mess.

I find a chair and
Close my eyes to take a nap.
Yoruichi comes
In cat form, a little strange,
So I couldn't sleep after all.

I asked what happened;
A misunderstanding and 
Ishida-san and
Kyouraku-taichou fought,
Quincy boy was the problem.

Gah, Kuukaku!
That annoying drunk woman
Cheerfully shows up,
Pretends not to remember
When she picked me up before.

Damn, that announcement
Is more important than this!
Have to find Renji!
Friends don't let friends get married!
But he should sign a prenup.

I find the mansion.
Renji is nowhere in sight.
But in the kitchen
Kuchiki-taichou chats with
Little Orihime-chan.

Hell must have frozen.
Hime-chan is a good cook.
Rice-balls are divine
And the mushrooms are good too.
This place really is messed up.

I find cigarettes
And I manage to insult
He's also upset about
Renji, but I don't know why.

Hime interrupts;
What is a soap opera?
It sounds like nonsense
Nothing new for Hime-chan.
Tuna death matches sound fun.

Marriage for Renji
And Rukia planned by
It was the yakuza him;
The real him is not happy.

I'm a little lost,
But a superb trout death match
By Orihime
Is a highly amusing
Distraction and I must laugh

About this Entry
Jun. 4th, 2006 @ 06:45 pm Ikkaku Archive Post #4, May
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Did I mention before how much it sucks being a dog?  'Cause it still really sucks.  People either ignore me or engage in unwanted bodily contact.  I'm also not in a position to laugh at anyone even when something's really funny, which sucks.  Like, when I finally located Ichigo (good thing his reiatsu is still out of control) and I saw that he was a girl I really wanted to laugh, but he didn't know it was me and called me "talking dog" so I realized that I wasn't really in a position to make fun of himher.  But it was so funny!  HeShe was standing there stroking a big gun and calling it "Zangetsu!"  But then Kuchiki-taichou found us and started insulting Ichigo (what else is new?) and then Rukia arrived too, and she actually laughed at Ichigo!  Not fair!  
Then Yoruichi-san showed up and practically ran me over!  It's dangerous being this small, plus I'm not threatening at all.  That can really lower a guy's self-esteem. *pouts*  Plus, Yoruichi brought up the topic of zanpakutous, and I knew that I didn't have Houzukimaru with me (where would a dog keep a sword?)  But then Shiba Kuukaku (who I'd never met, but had heard of) woke up and proceeded to call me cute and even picked me up!  Of course I protested and tried to get free, but she was wearing armor and that was really scratching my skin, so I had to put up with her and Byakuya's conversation.  I had no idea what they were talking about, so finally when I'd had enough I yelled at her again, and thankfully she did put me down.  I really wanted to get away from them, so I decided to follow Ichigo and Rukia.  
It turned out to be a lot harder to keep up with them than I had imagined because of these short dog-legs.  But again, luckily I was able to follow Ichigo's reiatsu to a bar that had clearly seen better days.  Along with Ichigo and Rukia Ukitake-taichou, Urahara-san, and some guy I didn't know were also at the bar.  I know I went in and jumped up on the table, and then I must have fallen asleep (I remember a lovely dream about rice balls), because the next thing I knew I was in Rukia's arms along with Urahara-san on some hill.  There were a lot of other people on the hill too, pretty much everyone who was supposed to go to Soul Society, along with Aizen.  I started growling at Aizen and ran over to bite him in the ass while he was bent over, but somehow I missed and got knocked down by Yoruichi-san's lightsaber instead.

I swear I think my pride is permanently damaged.  I just hope Zaraki-taichou never finds out about this.
About this Entry
Apr. 29th, 2006 @ 01:18 pm Ikkaku Archive Post #3, April
Current Mood: frustratedIt's not easy being a bald dog
Sorry, no poetry this time either.  Seeing as I'm a dog right now and can't type, I had to give dictation.

While Fukutaichou and I were at the park there was a very strange announcement from Central 46, which, while certain parts were pretty funny, was basically annoying and a little insulting.   I do not need a wig! (especially not now since I'm a dog) We didn't stay at the park very long because I needed to go to Urahara Shoten to get a new battery for my cell phone.  The trip to the shoten turned out to be totally worth it since I got to see Renji cleaning up, and I had a laugh at his expense, but he didn't seem very amused by it.  He's just no fun sometimes.  Urahara-san showed me where the cell phone batteries were.  I seriously don't know why they make so many different models of phones; probably because 12th Division has too much time on their hands.  Then I talked to Urahara-san for a little bit about how well he did training Ichigo, but he was being modest and wouldn't really talk about it.  Hitsugaya-taichou and Yoruichi showed up during the time it took me to find the right battery, and I was surprised when Hitsugaya-taichou told Urahara-san that they would be temporarily lifting his banishment sentence.  Clearly Command was taking this whole thing pretty seriously.

After I paid for the battery I left the shoten and headed over to Keigo's apartment because I was supposed to make sure he was getting ready to leave for Soul Society.  I found Keigo crying, and then one of those weird things showed up looking like Hinamori Momo and it had a multicolor riceball.  I was only slightly interested in the riceball, but then I felt Aizen's reiatsu and that definitely got my attention.  That Chad/Sado/whatever kid showed up too, but I still had to get rid of not!Momo, and after one bald joke too many (well of course only one is too many) I got out of my gigai and released Houzukimaru.  I stabbed not!Momo in the stomach but for some reason it exploded all over the apartment good thing we were out of there before Keigo's sister got home.  It felt good to finally kill something, as this mission hasn't really turned out the way I thought it would.  I wanted to see if I could find Aizen, so I tried to call Renji to let him know but he wouldn't pick up so I sent him a text message.  Then the guys and I went to the roof because I figured it would be easier to look for Aizen up there, but by the time we got there Aizen's reiatsu at disappeared.  Which was probably a good thing because if I had been off chasing Aizen instead of watching for the gate to open, I probably would have been in serious trouble.  Keigo started being dramatic about running through the gate, so I made sure he was more scared of me than of the gate.  Although, when Fukutaichou finally showed up I think Keigo was even more scared of her, which I can see.  Keigo caused some more drama when the gate appeared, but Fukutaichou took care of it.  Then once they were through I did a little bit of the Lucky Dance because I was really glad to be getting out of there.

And yet, the Lucky Dance for some reason didn't work actually I guess it hasn't worked the last two times, I should look into that because I woke up under a basket in a hairless dog's body.  I sensed Kuchiki-taichou and Rukia's reiatsu, and I didn't really want them to find me, but they did.  They both look strange too, but neither of them are hairless dogs or anything that bad (lucky me).  Also, where we are doesn't really look like Soul Society, and none of us know what happened when we went through the gates.  I'm sort of wondering if Kuchiki-taichou's sanity is intact, like maybe hit his head really hard or something, because he's been saying some very strange things.  The plan right now is to search for the others by their reiatsu, since we've all probably changed appearances.  But serisously, why do I have to be the hairless dog thing?  It's not fair!
About this Entry
Apr. 2nd, 2006 @ 02:05 pm Ikkaku Archive Post #2, March 18-31
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Not feeling the muse right now.

So anyway, I went over to the high school after leaving Orihime-chan's apartment, and I found something that looked like Hitsugaya licking Yumichika's hand, so I hit it over the head with my wooden sword, and it disappeared.  Then I went up to the roof and found Matsumoto, Hitsugaya, and Orihime-chan already there, Kuchiki-taichou showed up right after I did.  Renji showed up eventually too, but even with almost everyone there, nothing interesting happened.  Well, Kuchiki-taichou did eat some of Orihime-chan's "pizza" and that was pretty funny.  But since nothing else was going on, I didn't really pay attention to what anyone was talking about.  So I decided to leave and see if I could find something interesting to do, but first I told Renji that this wasn't the type of mission I had agreed to come on, and that I wanted something interesting to do.  The only thing he said was that there should be some Hollows around, so I left and went to look for some Hollows, but I couldn't find any, mostly because I think the sensors on my phone are broken.  I bought a riceball and then went to the park across the street to eat it.  I tried to check my phone to see if it was broken, and while I was doing that I found something where a snake was supposed to eat an apple, but I have no idea why.  I tried to get the snake to eat the apple, but I couldn't, and then the battery to the phone went dead.  That didn't really matter though because then Fukutaichou came out of nowhere and kicked me in the head.  Just what I needed.
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